Dating Experts Reveal Their Best Advice For Older Women

Re-entering the dating scene later in life can be daunting. Here’s the good news though – we’ve got you covered here at JD Williams. We’re right here with you and ready to help you effectively navigate your way through the world of dating as an older woman. Thinking about getting back on the dating scene? Whether you’re not sure where to start, you’ve already been on a few tricky dates and not feeling too hopeful, or you just need a little bit of a push in the right direction, we’ve got some confidence, positivity and some professional advice coming your way.

When it comes to expert advice – a carefully curated selection of dating experts, relationship experts, dating psychologists and dating writers should pretty much cover it right? We’ve only gone and got in touch with some of the leading names in the dating world including - Julie Spira, Genevieve Zawada, Johnny Cassell, Hayley Quinn, Madeleine Mason Roantree, Kimberly Seltzer, Kate Taylor to name just a few. Although you might have a whole host of different circumstances when it comes to dating, we believe this roundup of expert advice is both a fantastic starting point as well as a fantastic reference point for you to come back to if you need a pre-date confidence boost.

We asked all the below experts the following two questions:   

“What would be your best dating advice for any woman over the age of 45?”

“What would be your top tip for anyone who has recently broken up with a long-term partner?"

Read on to find all the responses below. We’d like to thank all of the experts for taking the time to get involved in this feature and for sharing their professional advice. If you do find this article useful, please do share with your friends and family.

Julie Spira
Kate Taylor
Johnny Cassell

Julie Spira - Online Dating Expert and Founder, Cyber-Dating Expert

"Women over 45 need to realize that love has no expiration date and that singles 45+ have saved for their dream vacation, and are looking for companionship and a meaningful relationship. 

There's a great misconception that you're over the hill after 40, or single daters have serious medical issues and aren't interested in sex, which couldn't be further from the truth. Singles 45+ work out, hike, bike, and spend their spare time staying healthy and living vibrant lives. "

Genevieve ZawadaCEO - Elect Club Ltd

"Best advice for any woman over 45 dating would be to really know themselves and what they are looking for now. Be more open minded, things have changed and continue to change in the dating world with technology and unrealistic expectations getting in the way of romance. When looking for love, be honest with yourself and work out what you really need and want from a relationship. All too often we set ourselves up to fail. Maybe fear of being hurt gets in the way so we only attract avoidant men, because that is what we are giving off. 

Speak to a professional if you need to break patterns or want to gain more confidence. As a coach and matchmaker most of my work is in the preparation of the client to get them ready to date. Once they are ready the rest comes fairly easily and they recognise the right person for them and stay in a happy relationship. You attract what you give off so be very clear about what you are giving off. If you seem to attract the wrong people, take stock and re-think things and get a couple of coaching sessions."

Johnny Cassell - Dating Coach

"Get social and get online. Whatever stigma you have attached to online dating - get over it. The amount to reach and possibilities that these new online platforms provide can not be ignored. Some online dating as well as implementing lifestyle choices that will position yourself around more opportunities in the day time and the evening is a winning combination. Say YES to the after work drinks, say YES to organising a monthly brunch or meet up with friends where everyone is encouraged to bring a plus one. Really start to think about who are the most social people you know and put yourself around them. Anything you are feeling not so confident about - get it handled. Your image, your styling - seek guidance. The bottom line is you have to get social and if that requires getting a new group of friends then that’s what it requires."

Hayley Quinn
Madeleine Mason Roantree
Laura Yates

Hayley QuinnLondon Dating Coach

"Be open minded to meeting people in real life. Don't allow the 'all the good ones are taken' mindset to persist. Take personal responsibility and create an action plan around going to new hobbies, spaces and locations to meet someone: and don't fear striking up a conversation. Often single men are shy to step forwards and will appreciate you kick starting the conversation. "

Madeleine Mason Roantree - Dating and Relationship Psychologist

"Don’t give up hope. Dating and finding love is for all ages. Know what kind of relationship you are looking for (long term, short term, fling) and look for that. If you haven’t already, give online dating or matchmaking (depending on how serious and wealthy you are) a try. If you feel you have too much baggage or negative self-talk to get started, consider seeing a therapist or date coach. Don’t let excuses such as work, family, time get in the way of dating."

Kate Taylor - Dating Expert at OurTime

"Have fun! You have so much more inner confidence in your 40s than you had in your teens and 20s, that dating can be empowering now. You might find the dating pool is smaller this time around, but that’s fine — you only need one man. Enlist a positive, upbeat single friend to share the journey with you, and take your time, there’s no rush. At OurTime, we hear from couples every day who are delighted to have found love in their 50s, 60s and beyond. There are so many ways to meet new people now that the outlook for dating is very bright."

Laura YatesCoach, Writer & Podcaster

"To see this as an opportunity! We’re so fortunate to live in a time now where there are endless resources available to meet new people. I would say to really focus on doing as much as you can to get out and meet new people. Group activities, events, classes for example. Don't be afraid to try new things. Choose things that interest you and fuel you so that you look forward to doing them. When you’re in a place of real contentment about your own life and do things that you find fun or light you up, you radiate an energy that is so attractive and that is when you’re most likely to start meeting people without even really trying!"

Emma Ziff - Director of Matchmaking and Head Coach

"Dating over the age of 45 can be great fun! It’s all about getting yourself out there and trying out different experiences. In other words don’t just limit yourself to online dating or 'hopefully someone will show up at work' mentality. There are other ways such as Meetup groups and private matchmaking which can often work better for people over a certain age." 

Ané Auret - Dating Expert and Coach

"Be interested in getting to know men. Know that most men out there, especially at this age have also been hurt and that they’ve probably had just as many tough dating and relationship experiences as you’ve had. It’s true that there are unhealthy men (and women) that are destructive and damaging, but most men are just as scared as us of rejection, being hurt and fearful of showing their vulnerability. When all is said and done, there are genuinely great men out there that want the same as we do - deep connection, intimacy and commitment, to be seen, understood and accepted just for who they are, someone on the same wavelength as them in all areas of their lives, including age.

Be open to connection in your daily life. Make conversation, be interested in people around you, be approachable. There is no way of knowing where and how you’re going to meet your new person. Do things you’ve always wanted to do and meet people interested in the things you are without focusing on dating per se. Break your routine and expand your social circle.

 *If dating: Get to the point where you can comfortably talk about your past relationship(s) without still being overly invested in it - and pay attention to how you talk about it on dates. Also pay attention to how your date talks about their ex - have they processed the breakup? Are they taking responsibility for their part in it? You can learn a huge amount from someone just through this conversation alone, so listen closely. Manage your expectations and be very aware of the energy you bring (your vibe) to your dating journey."

Kimberly Seltzer
Ben Edwards

Julie SpiraOnline Dating Expert and Founder, Cyber-Dating Expert

"It’s important after a breakup with a long-term partner not to rush into a rebound relationship. I believe in taking a personal inventory of what you’re looking for and write it down. The more specific you are, when you’re ready to start dating again, you’ll have a higher success rate. 

Realize that new people become single every day and that finding love is easier than ever with the popularity of mobile dating apps. 

Often your or a potential date wasn’t appreciated by their previous partner, and they know more what they are looking for than before, and are looking to find a happy relationship with someone just like you. 

To regain your confidence, start telling yourself, 'you’re the prize,' and become the happy person you’d want to date."

Genevieve Zawada - CEO - Elect Club Ltd

"Be kind to yourself and take the time you need to process things. Again if you need to go get some support as it can affect all areas of your life. If you get advice go to professionals with the life experience and are qualified to support you or bad advice can be more damaging. The key is time and loving yourself. Do things that make you feel good and don’t analyse the past too much. You will naturally want to learn from the experience and not want to repeat the pain that you are experiencing. Talk to friends who will be understanding and supportive, not those who will want to say 'I told you so'. It is important to be kind to you and keep busy as well. I always tell my clients who come to one of our retreats or for coaching that you need to let go of the past. Learn from it and don’t keep yourself in that place. As one door closes it gives the opportunity for someone better for you to come in."

Johnny CassellDating Coach

"Getting back up from a breakup is tough but what we must acknowledge is the tremendous combustion of energy that comes from the crisis. This energy can be directed in what ever way you choose. Take it as an opportunity to move it in the direction of growth. Use it as an opportunity to repair the relationship you have with yourself as opposed to rushing back into something new so early. Confidence comes from compounded familiarity. With that being said, whatever you want to feel more confident about, do more of it. Right now we’re talking about positive experiences with men not necessarily dating them. Practice flirting in your day to day life and notice how men respond to you. Every time someone responds to you, it’s confirmation that you are sassy, sexy and attractive. Get this back first before you throw yourself into the dating world and you will be ready!" 

Hayley Quinn - London Dating Coach

"Being single can be fun and rewarding but after a long term relationship it can feel daunting. To start with don't look for what your old relationship provided, refocus on yourself, and dating in a way that is light hearted. Instead of being immediately back looking for something serious, re-build your self esteem by prioritising friends, work, family and your health; and allow dating to re-start organically."

Madeleine Mason RoantreeDating and Relationship Psychologist

"Don’t rush things and if you do, consider that person may be a rebound. This is all ok, as long as you are aware of it – that way things get less messy. There is no right or wrong way of proceeding after a break up – if you feel up for dating, go for it, sometimes you need validation. If you feel you need to get away from the world a little bit, pamper yourself at the local spa or book a holiday for yourself, curl up on the sofa with a good book. Do what feels natural to you." 

If you have lost your confidence, write down a list of 30 things that you are good at or that inspires and motivates others. Focus on what is working in your life, train your brain to remember these things. Think about flirting with people, whether the check-out person in the shops or newspaper guy – a smile, a nod, perhaps a wink will do. Practice connecting with strangers, even if it’s just nodding to someone in the road crossing. You will likely get a positive response in return and this will make you feel good. Finally spend time with quality friends, don’t mull about longer than necessary. Allow yourself to have some fun." 

Kimberly Seltzer - Dating & Makeover Expert

"People expect that dating is going to be easy after a long-term relationship but often it is not. The dating pool is different, and people have different life stressors to contend with. Another problem when you are coming out of it is that your identity has been linked with your ex-partner for so long that you forget who you are separate from that person. The first step is to get back to the basics by figuring out what your passions are and really getting in touch with your true self. Revisit the things that once inspired you and get involved again. Perhaps there are hobbies, places to travel or activities that will help you find the things that make you happy, focus on yourself and even meet other like-minded singles."

Laura Yates - Coach, Writer & Podcaster

"I would say to give yourself time and space to heal and reconnect with yourself. Breakups can be heartbreaking but also incredibly transformational and pivotal. They can offer a wonderful opportunity to live life on your own terms. Don’t be afraid to try new things, engage in hobbies or discover new ones, look after your physical and emotional health, travel, spend time with friends. Basically give yourself time to heal and put yourself as the first priority. The more you do this, the more your confidence will really start to soar."

Emma Ziff
Ané Auret
Genevieve Zawada

Emma ZiffDirector of Matchmaking and Head Coach

"If you feel that you are not over your ex consider whether this is the right time for you. Perhaps you need some dating coaching first or some time out. The best way to get back your confidence, if you feel ready, is to actually get out and date. We always say that the more 'no’s' you give the more likely the right 'yes' will come along." 


Ben Edwards - Self Confidence & Relationship Coach

"Let it out – This may sound like a contradiction in terms, but by allowing yourself to cry, to feel the pain and then move on, you are pushing yourself forward in the grieving process and getting much closer to true acceptance. Work your way through the grieving cycle and accept that this is a natural part of the process when it comes to experiencing loss. We have to remember that fact throughout our journey we will in fact heal; it simply takes time and effort. 

Make more time for tending to your own needs - as part of that, you should think about what the future looks like now that you are free to do whatever you wish. One of the things about loss is that it creates a clean slate. It wipes away all sense of expectation and commitment, allowing you to go anywhere you want. You are able to take control – to squander that opportunity would be a shame, so take advantage of it. 

Step Outside of Your Comfort Zone - Routine is a beautiful thing. Any competent coach will advocate for it and encourage to reap the benefits of implementing and following a structured method. Following a breakup or other painful loss, however, you may need to mix it up a little and alter how you do things. Make new habits and find your own way, try new things and embrace the change you are going through. You’ll soon realise that life isn’t so scary without those old, comfortable routines. 

Learn to let go – Have you ever heard the phrase, 'forgive and forget,' and thought that was extremely bad advice? You’re spot on. Why not try 'let go and move on'. The past has already happened and you cannot change it, you can only grow and learn from it. Use this opportunity to create the future that you truly want and deserve. Remember, the best relationship you can ever have is the one with yourself."

Ané Auret - Dating Expert and Coach

"Take time out and take stock of why your relationships haven’t worked out. Unless you get to the root of what went wrong it is highly likely that it will happen again. Understand the patterns and habits, choices and decisions, beliefs and blindspots that steered you into a breakup over time. Take responsibility for what you can, and forgive where you must, including yourself to help you move on. What was the purpose of this person and relationship in your life? What have your learnt about yourself and love? What will be different next time round? 

Healing will take time and isn’t a linear process. Some you will do on your own, some unresolved parts will only show up in a new dynamic with a new person. Rediscover who you are and what you will/won’t accept or tolerate. When you feel a bit overwhelmed or drained by the dating scene, especially online, take a break and focus your energy on yourself. Dating from a place of loneliness, neediness, blame or anger is not going to set you up for success and you’ll most likely end up back at square one. 

Focus on YOU. Creating an amazing (single) life that you love living is one of the most attractive things you can ever do - and never let that go, especially when you get into a new relationship. This is as true for me today after being with my husband for 9 years as it was when we first met. I love our life, but I have my own too and is not dependent on him to fulfill every role in it.

Take your time. Do what you can to truly get closure and embrace the alone time, as well as the loneliness. These are the (often painful) moments that will eventually bring you back to yourself again. The fear of being alone often causes us to settle, compromise and get stuck with the wrong person (again), this is no longer you. 

Dating (again) is an often messy, uncomfortable roller coaster. But ‘discomfort is the currency for your dreams’. The person you’re going to be with is most likely not going to be anything like you may be expecting them to be. There will be the short term highs and lows, doubt, insecurity and ecstasy, but know in your soul that it will all come together, and it absolutely will make sense once you finally meet the right person for you. It’s not and IF, it’s only a WHEN."

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